Monday, November 04, 2013

Get Out of My Head....

So, (you know like we are already in the middle of a conversation and I am about to switch gears and bring up a new topic) I went and did Zumba today. I have been wanting to get to the gym and do Zumba for months, years actually.I have only been to Zumba two time before. Once when I was 8 months pregnant with BJ and then again when BJ was about 6 months. So it has been years. I have thought about it several times but today I went.

When I got there the ladies had already begun. I found a spot in the back where I could still see the Zumba leader lady so I could follow her and no one else could really see me. I jumped in trying to follow along the best I could. The first song was easy, a warm up but then the next song came on. The ladies were jumping all over the room, twisting and turning and moving their feet in all sorts of freaky directions. I was lost. I kept turning the wrong way and was always a step behind. When she said left I went right and when she went forward I went back, Oh the pain! The embarrassment! Some ladies came in after me and so I was no longer in the back of the room. I kept thinking they must think that I am all sorts of a spaz and want to steer clear of me. I was worried that I might actually step on one of them.

 All sorts of different emotions came rushing in. At one point I was ready to run out and cry. I was certain everyone was focused on me. The song ended and I went for a drink of water. I didn't leave. As the next song began I had a thought, "get out of your head. Just focus." I was spending so much time worrying about how I looked that I was missing out on the fun and joy of exercising my body to fun music with a group of women who enjoy the same experience. A wave of happiness ran down my spine. Yes, I thought. I was doing something I have wanted to do for a years. I was doing something good for my body.

From that point on, I said, "Screw it,"to perfection. All I have to do is keep moving to the music. So that is what I did and you know what? After the work out was over the Zumba lady came up to me and asked me if I'd ever done Zumba before? I told her once or twice years ago. She said that she was impressed at how well I kept up and that I did a great job. See! All you have to do is keep moving to the music! The steps don't have to be perfect. This isn't Dancing with the Stars. There are no judges watching you and giving you a rating. Although, I think many of us, me especially, think  that there are. Really the biggest critic of myself was me. I need to be nicer to myself.

I'm resolved to live outside of my head more. Because life happens outside your head, not in.

1 comment:

RETA said...

I love your post! I have cared for my handicapped daughter for so many years now. She is 36. We do JustDance on Wii together. It is delightful to watch the way she moves to that music without inhibition! I have learned to be a little more like her - forgetting my "image" and just being me. This is when dancing is at its best!